Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in smyrie's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, July 20th, 2005
4:23 pm	Special Today I saw a friend's mother who I hadn't seen for a good while. "Hi," she said. "You look taller. Or thinner. It must be thinner." Yes, it is true that not working out or eating right leaves you looking thinner. I think it's the not eating that does it. You were right. Also, I don't think I actually hate myself. It's just that I am not motivated. I have nothing that I am passionate about. Success and/or money do not do it for me. I guess I should try to attain one of my goals and find success and happiness the way I define it rather than based on the social construction of the environment in which I live. Yes. Current Mood: this is too deep, too deep (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 15th, 2005
12:53 pm	most awful I have realized that I do in fact hate myself. I hate the prospect of me succeeding, so I do everything I can to ensure that I fail. Right now I am working on a paper, I could be done in about three hours if I just did it. But no, instead I am acquiring friends on friendster and thefacebook (make sure you friend me as soon as possible so all of my hard work will have some purpose). Indeed, I am the only one that could possibly ever hold me back. For one, I would not let anyone try to impede my road to success, and secondly, everyone I have ever met has only ever encouraged me and my highly idealistic endeavors. In fact, my endeavors are not even that idealisitic and are perfectly accomplish-able if only I would do it! Gosh darn it! I like totally hate myself. And the thing is, I don't hate my body or my appearance, because if you really think about by changing one thing, you only leave all the other things wide open to be scrutinized. By the time you are finished changing all the things you think 'needs' to be changed, you don't have a nose and you melt in the sun. I need a brain make-over. Or I need an assistant to do shit like write my resume, apply for jobs, and do survey's that will get me ten dollars for discussing my radio and television habits! I didn't even do that! Why do I hate me? Current Mood: as close to stressed as I get (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 8th, 2005
7:12 pm	look at me S Smart M Misunderstood Y Yummy R Responsible I Intense E Entertaining Name / Username: Name Acronym Generator From Go-Quiz.com (Comment on this)
6:45 pm	bored-fat lazy I am so bored right now. And I am tired. But I am lazy, which is why I am bored. There is plenty for me to do, and plenty of time for me to do it. Though my laziness is causing that time to become increasing less. One would think the boredom would drive me to do something, but laziness has a stronger hold. The fat is just there, since I don't really think I am fat, though I could be much thinner. My mother likes to tell me that. Today has been a wasted day, as was yesterday. I think I will take a nap, and then get all of my work done tonight. Or I will do my more interesting work now, and my more imperative work later. That way I will get both things done, the first because I want to and the second because I have to. I am so smart, no wonder I go to Wellesley. Current Mood: i should be rested (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 7th, 2005
9:02 am	May 7th It is May 7th, right? the 7th day of May? shouldn't there be flowers of some kind? the type of flowers that are a result of April Showers? three weeks in a row of rugby in the rain takes a toll on the psyche. i'm just glad i didn't wash my uniform, maybe it's tougher and stronger and will protect me from the rain. At least i know That God is not crying because of me. Or maybe God is crying because of my pathetic-ness, or because campus po thought i claimed all the Asians. I think i might be a fuck up. Whatever, FUCK YOU, i love me. not the narcissistic form of love, but the non suicidal i don't hate myself type of love. uynm;=u yum, you are yummy...mmmmm Current Mood: fuck it/them all (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 5th, 2005
11:33 pm	cinco de mayo it's five-five-oh five. class of two thousand five day. i hate my class and class pride shit. i hate them for sending emails to my personal email after i privately and publicly asked them not to. i used to really like my class, i'm also pms'ing. it is cinco de mayo, i have no tequila. All For Me if all the world is a stage and you are a clown take off your ugly make-up i can see behind your mask take off your floppy shoes i like the shape of your feet take off your rainbow wig i want to run my fingers through your hair take yourself off the stage i will bring you to my world Current Mood: my own worst enemy (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 21st, 2005
9:51 am	waterwater i did not shower last night, after rugby. i have grass stains on my knees and my elbows. i have step and tone in a half hour. i hope the water will be working after my PE class, I am kind of funky. I saw Julia Kean last night. I think Canada has been good to her. Keisha's birthday is on Friday, she is going to come to the Ludacris concert on Sunday. Michele's birthday is on Saturday, she might come to my rugby game, I should call her. I really like sports. I think I would be a good sportscaster. But if I did do sports, I would not be fulfilling my purpose. My purpose is to educate and inform young people about important issues that they are affected by and/or have the ability to influence in an entertaining fashion. Doing sports would also be a waste of four years of college. On Friday Ted Leo and the Pharmacists are coming to Molly's. That should be fun. Some cool people might be around, that should be fun. I am such a girl, it is kind of scary. Current Mood: really, why? (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 3rd, 2005
11:54 am	opening day baseball starts today. the red sox are playing in yankee stadium. randy johnson is starting for the bombers. i think boomer is starting for the idiots. it is incredibly exciting, but i am not actually that excited. i think i payed too much attention to the sox during the off season and spring training. so the start of the season is not as definitive as it usually is. but i usually don't start watching games until mid june, though i might check this game out tonight, at least to see the starting line-up for the sox. to do: africana studies paper;hoop shift;news story;dinner;boondock saints cast and crew;baseball;hoop meeting;good times i heart trot nixon Current Mood: whatevs (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 2nd, 2005
10:12 am	no romantic breakfast Wow, this rain is like killer, not as killer as a tsunami, but i, being an egotistical american, can call this rain killer. This morning i took an obnoxiously long piss. it was a small steady stream. i wonder how much my bladder can hold, because it sure as fuck let out a lot. i could feel my abdomen all swollen and full, it both uncomfortable and painful. last night i watched The Boondock Saints for the first time ever. It is a fabulous movie and I am incredibly upset that I had never seen it before. I missed a showing of the Incredibles, but I sing the praises of that movie so often I should be hired as an advertising executive or something. I also mixed The Motorcycle Diaries, which always makes me think of the Basketball Diaries and Leonardo DiCaprio's character masturbating on the roof top under a cool breeze. I might be able to see the Motorcycle Diaries tonight, I will also see the cast and crew of the Boondock Saints, but on Sunday. They are hot. Rugby season officially begins today with a practice social. You would think that a game should mark this momentous occasion but oh no, preparing our team to sing the shit out of all of our competitors is a much more significant milestone for any rookie. i love me, but not in a narcissistic way, just a non suicidal i don't hate me kind of way. i followed through on two of two new year's resolutions. pride keeps my back straight and tall. Current Mood: showmeshowmeshowme (Comment on this)
Friday, March 18th, 2005
9:38 am	holy shit batman Happy St. Patrick's Day! I did not wear any green yesterday, nor did I drink green beer. The extent of my St. Patrick's Day celebration was to find an egg in the bookstore and eat a cookie. The egg had a free mini, magnetic, felt pen. I was so excited. I thought I was going to get this cool little pen, I love writing utensils. But actually, it was not a pen but a pennant. so now I have a mini wool felt magnetic pennant. At least my mother will have something from wellesley to put on the fridge. The cookie was gigantic, like it was bigger than the saucer that I put it on. I got it to split with alyssa, but she was having no part of it. so i began eating myself. It was not very good, it was hard and full of sugar. But I ate it anyway, because I can not stand to waste. And me finishing the cookie is different from not eating the egg yolk because I got the egg with the intention of not eating the yolk. So I finished the gigantic green cookie with its gigantic pieces of sugar and mini sugar shamrocks. After I ate it my mouth felt all tingly and cut up from the sugar, I also had the feeling that my mouth was green, although that was not confirmed. This morning, that cookie came back to bite in the butt, or at least it came out of my butt. I took a gigantic green shit. This was ot the type of green that your shit my take on like a normal green shit occassion. This was bright electric green shit, and it would not stop coming. The only thing I ate yesterday that could account for my St. Patrick's Day display was that damn cookie. Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit Green Gross Current Mood: homeward bound (Comment on this)
Monday, March 14th, 2005
10:03 pm	love me i just added myself as a friend. now i can read all of entries as i read my friends' entries, and i can see my picture. today i figured i fall asleep in my one thirty class because i need a power nap. i'm usually only sleeping from like two to like two thirty, and i am waking up at various points during that time. therefore, i am only sleeping for like twenty minutes, which is the perfect amount of time for a power nap. and anyway, your/my body has a natural lull at around two o'clock anyway, so there is really nothing wrong with me. i think it is the college's fault for not having classes coincide with natural body rhythms. apparently i hate rugby practice because i know longer care about getting better. but i have always hated practice, especially when it is indoors. and i have always cared about getting better, mostly because i want to be able to say that i am the best. but i don't think practice is actually making me better. but that could be because i am not trying hard enough because i don't care about getting better. but then again, most of the stuff that we do is not the stuff at which i feel i need to improve, if only because i will not be running lines and doing switches. also, i think i am a pretty good mauler and i do not think excessive amounts of rucking exercises will make me any better in rucks probably because i hate rucking and don't work very hard at it. it could also be because it's hard to get low with legs that are three feet long. i love rugby, but i hate it, i wish i was in control of everything always. Current Mood: throw our life away (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 13th, 2005
9:42 pm	stupid i don't know how to make the picture come. and i am not trying to get the picture off. i want the picture in. i am confused, and stupid. but at least i am pretty. and i missed desperate housewives, i still have no interests. but what of it?! peace. (Comment on this)
9:19 pm	supercool last night there was a kick ass party. today i did not a thing. tomorrow, who really knows. i am awesome. Current Mood: lazy mofu (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 12th, 2005
4:24 pm	snowday It is snowing outside, giant thick heavy snowflakes are falling by my window. I decided to not go outside. to not go to aerobics. To not go to the library. To not go to the play. Although I didn't go to the play because I convinced myself that I was going to aerobics. I am working on a paper. It is not due until Thursday. I wonder why I can not make myself just sit down and work on it. (It's not due until Thursday!) Tonight I am going to see Team America, which will make up for my lack of exposure to culture from not going to the play. Later I will go to the 'ZLY dance party to make up for my lack of aerobic activity. I might go to the library tomorrow, Sunday is a better paper writing day than Saturday. Right now I am just killing time until dinner. I might get a breakfast burrito. My orientation went well last night. One of the instructors said I had no emotion in my voice. He said that I was attractive and intelligent, and he could tell I had some personality. I'd take attractive over personality any day. People with personality end up on VH1's Best Week Ever. Today I did some friendster stalking and checked up on some Wellesley grads. They are all doing stuff and being real people. That will be me someday... Current Mood: give me stuff to break (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 10th, 2005
7:41 pm	nervousness tomorrow night i have an orientation for my broadcasting classes! I am semi super freaked out, but i am also really excited. I am going to ask if i can take class on wednesday also, so i can speed up the process a bit. It would give me a super hectic schedule, but i am pretty sure i can handle it. It will also get me into super good shape because i registered for step and tone. hip-hop dance was full, but it was at eight thirty anyway. also, tonight is a new episode of the oc, it should be a good one. i'm pretty sure i am gaining weight, i have been eating a ton lately. but i'm pretty sure it is cyclical. i passed in a paper, got back a paper, and started writing a paper...which might be what i should be doing now, but will start later. i can't wait to get my hat from helen, and she is going to teach me how to knit mittens. i sound like a total spaz, and i don't even know how to spell the word. hfaouurbakubviuah;ohgih. Current Mood: osh kosh b'gosh (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 15th, 2005
7:25 pm	broken my computer sucks. it is like broken, though not quite. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 14th, 2004
1:52 am	hmmm so apparently, people actually do read this. interesting. well, i got to talk to my new friend today. she is so super nice, but i won't really ever get to be friends with her because she is going abroad next semester, sadness. anyway, i was supposed to start writing my paper today, but if i am lucky i will start writing tomorrow. the party rush is essentially over. four days of drunkenness in a row is nothing compared to sophomore year, but i am definitely out of practice. however, if there is some type of party within the next week and a half, she should be able to go! i'm going to find a job really soon. Current Mood: inside doesn't equal outside (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 4th, 2004
1:51 am	blonde ambition so i have a mini obsession. it is an annual occurance, i am not too concerced by it. however, most of my mini obsessions, the blonde kind, i have some sort of common thread with the person. whether it be sport or occupation, there is an "in" into their life, some sort of common bond that makes my obsession seem like friendship or a need for guidance. but, with this one, it is not so easy, i am going to have to find some way to make her my friend. it sounds very sketchy, but it is really very innocent. in fact, i think i just realized how i can make it work. one more notch scratch on my belt. Current Mood: triumphant me (Comment on this)
1:45 am	love love mother fuckin water destroyed my computer. but it is not really destroyed, just utterly retarded. half the keys don't work and the other half do random shit. it is my fault for leaving an open nalgene next to my laptop and my speakers on top of my desk unsecured, but who would actually think that closer a drawer would make a speaker fall down, knock over my nalgene, and spill water all over my keyboard? i was worried about my nalgene spilling on the floor, rolling over and spilling water everywhere. my life sucks like hardcore, but i am going to make the hardcoreness make me money. no, i am not becoming a porn star, just applying the random shit i learned in college to some type of job type thing. all i need to do is write a resume, and maybe come up with some references. i'm know at least one teacher who remembers me by sight, and i had her first year. my life will turn out okay, and atleast i can still play free cell and minesweeper on my computer. Current Mood: not hungover, heartbroken (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 30th, 2004
12:10 am	happy thanksgiving what did i give thanks for...nothing really, except for food, family, friends, blah, blah, blah. however, my life is gonna start for real on wednesday. wednesday is the first day of december, and the first day of my future. i will not hold off looking for like a job or whatever just because i have papers and what not. i will schedule in job work, just as i schedule in outlines and rough drafts. but, unlike the outlines and rough drafts, i will actually do the job stuff. it might take another trip to the CWS so that lady can tell me what i'm supposed to do again, but at least she doesn't scare me and i know she has answers. i decided that when i do have a job type thing, i am going to work on my book on the side. this way my name will be known as a writer when i finally branch out on my own to produce or whatever. i am super excited about my life beginning on wednesday and i am pretty sure i will be able to survive tuesday. Current Mood: i need water (Comment on this)